This is for Us

How do I write about the cross?  How do I write about a God whose love for us is so personal, so intimate, that He would come to this dusty earth and walk among us?  And not only to come to earth but to come disguised as someone so ordinary.... a builder, a worker, a man without wealth or acclaim.  Jesus, seeking out relationships, spending time connecting intentionally with people who need him, with people who didn't seem important to anyone else.  Him,  God Almighty, in human skin, serving flawed, needy, hurting people...

How can the God of heaven and earth, Creator of the universe, One with no beginning and no end possibly be willing to leave the splendor of heaven to walk unnoticed for years on this hurting, broken planet?

It's because He desires a relationship with us.  This always blows my mind.

Our sin, our shortcomings, our flaws - all of this makes it impossible for us to stand in His presence.  This God Almighty chose to wash us in His own blood - the blood of Jesus, God as man, His Son.  Every single bit of flesh torn from the body of Jesus on the day He was crucified should have been my flesh.  Every time the whip landed on His back, it should have been me.  Every bit of shame and indignity and torture my Lord Jesus endured was rightfully mine.  And because He longs to be in relationship with me, He chose to die for me.  And you.

This blood shed, this sacrifice offered up to God the day the sky split and the darkness covered earth, this is for us.  This is our gift of love from God's own heart, so we can call Him Father.  So we can let go of shame we've earned the weight of carrying, and instead we can carry hearts filled with peace and love and grace.  So we can have eternal life.  Because God desperately wants us to spend eternity in His presence.  Because He treasures us... us with all our faults and weakness and fears... us with all the questions and pride and years we've spent living life as though there is no God at all... us, made in the image of God, formed in the womb by His great design, knit together by Him and set apart by Him and able to do all things through Him.

Us, whose names are engraved on His hands.

This cross.  This Savior's side pierced, spilling blood and water.  This conquering of the grave.  This freedom from the grip of sin.  This unearned gift of grace and forgiveness and relationship.  This washing white as snow.  This eternal life in heaven and abundant life on earth.

This is for us.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whosoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."  John 3:16

Gets Me Every Time

"Because the sinless Savior died, my sinful soul is counted free. For God the Just is satisfied to look on Him and pardon me." 

Heavy, beautiful, truth.

What happened to Jesus on the Cross, I did to him.
He paid the price of my sin.

Oh, Lord, I cannot ever say thank you enough.

Measuring My Life with God's Ruler

Converting measurements is not my thing.  I'm a word girl, not a numbers girl.  I measure in inches, and in Ukraine, measurements are in centimeters.  So, when I'm shopping for my heart-son, I always get a kick out of having to Google the conversion of measurements, so I get the sizes right.  I mean, I can't even think in centimeters!

It's like this in my relationship with the Lord, too.  He measures things differently than I do.  He measures time, progress, prosperity and success by standards that are not natural to me.  And He is faithful to teach me how to convert my measuring tape so I see my life more like He does.

When I think things aren't happening quickly enough, I am reminded "For a thousand years in your sight are like a day that has just gone by." (Psalm 90:4)

When I'm not sure things are turning out as they should, He whispers, "For my thoughts are not your thhoughts, neither are your ways my ways... As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:8,9)

When I've sought out abundance in terms of owning nice things, Jesus says, "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.  But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven...For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Matthew 6:19)


When I've seen success at times as something people achieve through financial security or things I can see, I'm corrected by the words of my Lord, spoken to a man who had attained every measure of success as society would define it.  "Now a man came up to Jesus and asked, 'Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?'...Jesus answered, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven.  Then come, follow me.'  When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth." (Matthew 19:16, 20-21)  Jesus himself is clear that being willing to let go of our "stuff" is far more a measure of success in his eyes than being able to aquire it.

God's Word indeed pierces right through to the division of the bone and marrow (Hebrews 4:12)!  Every word of God shoots Truth and conviction straight into my spirit, and I cannot hear this Truth and remain unchanged.  I cannot spend time with a Savior who abandoned the splendor of heaven to suffer consequences of sin I earned and walk away with anything but a very clear understanding that I cannot be the one who decides how things are done or what is valuable.  I cannot measure my life by comforts or possessions or feeling a certain way.  I can only hold up as my standard a life lived in emptying out of love undeserved and yet freely given.

I'm not sure I'm ever going to become really good at figuring out sneaker sizes using centimeters, although my boy is worth every moment I'll spend trying to figure that one out!  And as I work on my centimeters-to-inches conversion for things like shoe shopping, the Lord is very faithfully about the task of changing the way my heart measures.

Please God, ANYTHING but Fundraising!!!

I'm noticing a theme here.

Ever since I boldly proclaimed to the Lord that I was itching to get out of my comfort zone, He's had a ball finding ways for me to practice this.  (You have to be careful what you boldy proclaim.)  It may seem silly to you, because maybe you are a fundraising exraordinaire.  I'm not.  I'm the girl who used to lug around the whole box of school-issued chocolate bars up and down the street, asking people to buy one for a dollar, and then would wind up going back home with half a box of chocolate bars, shrugging her shoulders and feeling relieved to have the whole attempt over and done.  I never won the cool prizes.  I didn't even care.  I just hated the asking so much.  It was excrutiating.

So, the Lord has given us a call to Ukraine to do ministry this summer, and of course, He's going to provide for our needs, according to His riches in glory.  But there's this small matter of fund raising.  See, God's expecting me to work at it.  He's going to bless the effort, but I'd much rather He sneak an extra several thousand dollars into my bank account so I can keep my pride intact and feel that I am getting out there on this mission on my own.

God isn't working that way, though.  He chooses to use people as His instruments of blessing.  He calls others to come alongside us and share the vision of blessing the kids at Sunshine with His love, and in that way, He multiplies the blessings back to all of us who are involved in getting His work done there.

Already I'm so blessed by the friends who would like to receive the letter (I have yet to write) about the trip and the ways we need friends to join with us to do this ministry!  And I'm excited about a fundraising yard sale we'll be doing (send donations of items, if you want to - all you spring cleaners out there).  There are some other events we'll have with the help of friends and area businesses, and I'll let you know about those, too.

But the letter-writing is the thing that is getting me right now.  I can sit and write forever.  And ever.  But I'm really struggling to sit down and write a letter asking for help.  God's dealing with my heart about this, because He's using this to show me a lot of pride and self-sufficiency in me, and those things don't glorify Him.  He is my need meeter.  He is the One who's orchestrating this ministry.  And He already knows the hearts He's moving upon to join with us in our work in Ukraine this summer.

So, you may get a letter.  If you would like to receive one, please let me know, and I will joyfully add you to our growing mailing list!  The plan is to spend 7-10 days in Ukraine, ministering to the kids and the caregivers at Sunshine in some very specific ways.  We're taking some things with us to give to the kiddos and caregivers (coffee is a big request, chocolates, fun little toys, ball caps, hair accessories, etc., so let me know if you'd like to contribute), and we're also going to be purchasing groceries to make some "American" meals for everyone, as well as taking the group to McDonald's (which is something that's a real fun treat for them) and also a water park.  We need financial partners in this, because the Lord is calling us to something that He knows is beyond our ability by our own means.

I can't wait to get to Sunshine and look the kids I've come to know by name in the eye and spend time with them.  They are so precious.  They are so blessed to be in a place where they are cared for  and are not put out on the street at 16 (thank you, Jesus!).  We are very eager to hug our heart-son Sasha and the other sweet kids there who all have come to feel like family to us over the past  year and a half.  We can't wait to meet Ania and the other caregivers who pour their lives out daily to make these kids feel loved. This is a ministry we believe in and love deeply, and we're so excited that God's sending us to share His love in Ukraine this summer!

Um, so I think I just sort of wrote a fundraising letter.....

How God Answers Prayers

For the past year, I've been asking God to stretch me.  To help me step outside my cozy comfort zone.  To strip away the stuff of "me" and make me a reflection of Him alone.  To build my faith.  To help me leap boldly into the unknown.  To show me the hard places, the Jesus-going places, where His light is needed.  To build a fiercely trusting heart in me.

God answers prayers like these.

He doesn't answer like "I Dream of Jeannie," with a little blink and an instant transformation of my heart into some super-trusting, joy-in-trials mastering, Christian super-hero kind of woman.  

The answer is in the process.  

He allows me to be uncomfortable, and inch by inch, I walk farther from my comfort zone, and I feel the fears that held me there rise up and then slowly slip away.   

He allows me to be in circumstances out of my control, so I have only two options: panic or trust.  Looking at my own strength or clinging to Christ.  As I look behind me, I see that my first response is more calm and trusting now than in seasons past, and I know I'm growing.  

He asks me to walk through places that try my faith, because only through the testing of my faith does it grow.  Only by His Word watering my spirit and His presense in the valleys do I become strong.  

He asks me to leap, and I have a choice: "yes, if" or "yes, period." I used to be a girl with lots of contingencies for God.  My "yes" had terms attached.  Now I'm saying, "Yes, Lord.  Period."  And just leaping.  (God has me mid-air in some places right now.  I'll let you know more about where I land when I get there.  But I know it's going to be good.)

He is opening my eyes to needs around me and burdening my heart with the desire to live a life spent fully and well.  And my definition of a life well spent has been totally and thoroughly turned upside down by Jesus.  I cannot chase a dream of comfort and ease ever again.  I cannot aspire to own a bunch of stuff that impresses me more than I desire to give in a bunch of ways that impress Jesus ever again.  I know God blesses us with wonderful gifts, and he loves for us to enjoy the blessings he pours out on our lives, but my blessings are also tools for blessing others and  for living a life of offering thanks to the One who gives good things.  

So I am thankful to the Lord for answering my prayers.  For being the One who knows precisely how to giftwrap seasons of growth as beautifully and lovingly as He does seasons of ease.  And when I think of the blessings received in my spirit within times of stretching and faith-testing, I start to see it all as a gift to me anyway.  

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, becasue you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."  James 1:2-4

The Friendship Goal

My friends are amazing.  Whenever I spend time with the wonderful women in my life, I come away refreshed and encouraged.  My sometimes emptying cup is filled back up with gratitude and grace.  The parts of me that are wearing thin are made stronger.  I am connected, and my heart is full.

Time with friends is a priority to me.  It didn't used to be.  Friend time was a luxury.  It was something for after the house was perfectly clean (which it never is) and the laundry was all put away (which it sometimes is, but mostly isn't).  And because my life is real (read: not perfect!), there is always something to do, and that was causing me to miss out on the best parts of living some days.

The pressure I put on myself as a woman left me feeling like I was coming up short all the way around.  A few months ago, I received a copy of The Me Project: 21 Days to Living the Life You've Always Wanted, and one of the things I did was make a list of 50 goals.  One of them was having more time with friends.  Now that I call it a "goal" instead of a "reward" (for achieving domestic perfection...which I have yet to do), I see my friend time as it truly is: valuable and to be treasured.

If I wait to enjoy my life's precious friendships until all the other stuff is done, I will often miss out.  So I plan my fun things first now.  I write playdates into my calendar in ink and leave the other things for the pencil.  And the coolest thing has happened!  The "work" I need to do gets done faster and more joyfully!

God has made us as women to really thrive within relationships.  We need to connect.  To share.  To tell.  To listen.  God has equipped us to build each other up in our spirits in very unique and beautiful ways, and I believe the gift of friendship is something that God Himself gives us to enjoy fully.  My friends encourage me with God's Word, with their laughter and with their understanding.  They bless my parenting, my marriage, my homemaking and my heart.

When You Need to be Filled

Some days, I am depleted.  I feel fragmented.  Spread too thin.  It's part of living life as a "jar of clay."  We are filled.  Then we are emptied.

There are seasons of battle, when the enemy tries to use exhaustion to make us throw our hands up in defeat.

Be encouraged.  It is only when we are emptied of ourselves, that we can be filled with Jesus.  It is only when we are encroaching on precious territory for the Lord that we are so fiercely targeted.  The bombardment and the emptying are both good, when we know how to receive soul-quenching fullness and fear-quieting resilience in the Lord.

I am imagining Jesus, the day he slept on the boat in the midst of the stormy sea.  I think that is a picture he painted for each of us to illustrate the rest our souls can find in Christ, regardless of the stormy circumstances around us.  

Our peace does not come from the conditions of our lives.  It comes despite them.

For those of you who are engaged in battle, remember that the battle is the Lord's.  For those of you who are stepping out in faith, taking risks for Christ, paying dearly for your faithfulness to the Lord, keep up the good work - following Jesus is dangerous and costly and right.  For those of you who are at a crossroads, I am praying for you to hear the voice of the Lord telling you which way to turn.  For those of you who are tired, remember Jesus said to come to him for rest.  For those of you who are needing to be filled, you are not alone, and the Lord sees your need, and He will fill you back up.

"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strenthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.  And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fulness of God."  Ephesians 3:16-19

When You Need to be Filled

Some days, I am depleted.  I feel fragmented.  Spread too thin.  It's part of living life as a "jar of clay."  We are filled.  Then we are emptied.

There are seasons of battle, when the enemy tries to use exhaustion to make us throw our hands up in defeat.

Be encouraged.  It is only when we are emptied of ourselves, that we can be filled with Jesus.  It is only when we are encroaching on precious territory for the Lord that we are so fiercely targeted.  The bombardment and the emptying are both good, when we know how to receive soul-quenching fullness and fear-quieting resilience in the Lord.

I am imagining Jesus, the day he slept on the boat in the midst of the stormy sea.  I think that is a picture he painted for each of us to illustrate the rest our souls can find in Christ, regardless of the stormy circumstances around us.  Our peace does not come from the conditions of our lives.  It comes despite them.

For those of you who are engaged in battle, remember that the battle is the Lord's.  For those of you who are stepping out in faith, taking risks for Christ, paying dearly for your faithfulness to the Lord, keep up the good work - following Jesus is dangerous and costly and right.  For those of you who are at a crossroads, I am praying for you to hear the voice of the Lord telling you which way to turn.  For those of you who are tired, remember Jesus said to come to him for rest.  For those of you who are needing to be filled, you are not alone, and the Lord sees your need, and He will fill you back up.

"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strenthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.  And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fulness of God."  Ephesians 3:16-19

Driving Lessons from My Parents

Driving down Route 9, my learner's permit nestled proudly in my wallet, my dad in the passenger seat, I am riding the brakes, tentative, looking for the spot where I know the speed limit changes from 40 to 25mph. My dad opens the passenger door.  Just a little.  And he sticks his foot out.

"What are you DOING?"  I ask him.

"I'm just going to get out and walk," he replies, chuckling, "I'll wait for you when I get where we're going."  I shriek, "DAD!"  We laugh.  He knows we're going somewhere, and he's eager to keep moving.  He wants me to get to my destination.

Another day, driving past my high school with my mom, we approach the familiar railroad tracks.  She turns off the radio and starts rolling down the window.  She tells me that I need to come to a stop at the tracks, and I need to listen for a train, in case there's one coming, and I happen not to see it.  I oblige.  "You must be kidding."  But she isn't.  She knows I'm her only baby, and the thought of the flashing railroad lights being out of order and the chance that I might not see a train chugging down the tracks laid in the wide open field inspires her to come up with safety rules the Driver's Ed program clearly must have overlooked.  She wants me to be safe.

I laugh, thinking of my parents teaching me to drive.  I still talk to them about how to get where I'm going.

I talk to my mother about challenges and obstacles in the road.  How I want to avoid them.  My mom tells me that God is just as concerned with what I'm going through on the way to where I'm going as He is in getting me to a certain place.  She tells me that He uses the journey to prepare me for the destinations He has planned.  It's the bumps in the road that God uses to refine my character and to equip me.

My dad and I talk about dreams.  Things I'd love to pursue that are new and different.  He tells me to get on the road and start driving.  My dad says, "You can always make mid-course changes in direction.  But not if you're sitting in your car in the driveway."  He's still encouraging me to keep moving.  He believes I am on my way toward good things, even as I am enjoying good things now.

It feels like my own kids are fast approaching driving age.  It scares me to death, to be honest.  I want them to be safe.  I want to teach them the important things.  I want to help them dare to move boldly in the direction of their God-given dreams and gifts.  I vowed 17 years ago never to make my own children listen for trains, but I might just once.  For old time's sake.

"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth.  These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them."  Isaiah 42:16


"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged."  Deuteronomy 31:8


Some of you are moving through rough patches of road.  Some of you are feeling a little apprehensive about getting out of the driveway and moving toward a new goal.  I'm praying for you today to be filled with the confidence that if God's in the driver's seat, you can keep moving boldly forward.  If you need to make a change in direction, the Lord will show you when and how.