Letter to My Mother on Her Birthday

Dear Mom,
When I think of my earliest memories of you, they are of how beautiful you are.  I remember being little and loving the smell of your perfume in the air and standing small, in awe of the rows of shoes in your closet.  I loved to try on your heels that had the bow with the big rhinestone inside.  Didn't you have those in 3 colors?  And you had tall boots in taupe, tan and black, and I loved to wear them in your big closet and pretend to be Wonderwoman.

Thank you for making me tithe, even when I was little.  I remember my $2.50 allowance each week, and I always took my quarter to church.  Giving to God first has become a habit, and I credit you with that.  You also taught me to avoid credit card debt, and that is something I am thankful for (and so is Selden!).  I hope we can teach our kids those same financial disciplines as well as you taught them to me.

You also are to blame for my highly type-A but very efficient way of making a weekly grocery list that is laid out in order of the aisles in the grocery store.  I thought you were so strange for all you organizational quirks, but now I have them too, so I think they are quite brilliant.

Thank you for always welcoming my friends and our messes into the house.  You saw the genius of play and making art without having lines to stay inside of and encouraged me to wallpaper the inside of my wooden bookshelf as an addition to Barbie's "Dream House."  You let me grow up with a sense of enterprise and possibility, and I know that's something God wants us all to develop in our children.  You gave me a shelf to sell my handmade earrings on in your salon, and you taught me about profit margins and invested in all of my dreams.

I love how you made every excuse to celebrate.  You set the table with candles and flowers, just because sitting down as a family to eat is something to be treasured.  And you cooked me fried eggs and toast for breakfast and woke me up with foot rubs until I graduated high school. (Have I told you recently that you are a much better person than I am?  It's true.  My kids use alarms to wake up and make their own breakfasts.  Please don't tell them about the fried eggs and the foot rubs.  Thanks.)

You threw the best spiral with a football of anyone in the neighborhood, boys included.  And you never pushed me to be all the things you loved.  When I didn't really love sports, and I liked art more, you were the biggest art fan on earth.

Thank you for bringing me along to serve others.  You lived out a life of ministry in front of me, and I now hope to live that with my kids.  I remember crouching in the car, hoping not to get shot driving through unsafe parts of town (for those who don't live in cities where this happens, yes, this is a normal part of life in some areas, not that many car jackers rush to steal Datsun 510's, so we were probably very safe, but that's another matter altogether) to deliver Thanksgiving gifts to a teenage mom and her little babies who lived in a two-room shotgun house.  I remember the kids licking Spaghettio's off the bare mattress when we walked in.  You taught me to seek out what others need, not what I think they need.  And you learned that as you went.  We took a turkey that day, and she didn't have an oven.  So you took a list of all the things she needed more than turkey, and we came back with curtains and diapers and other things.  And you took me to visit people who were sick.  And you invited the families of all the prisoners to our church for a special Christmas and made sure they went home with Christmas trees decorated and gifts and that they knew Jesus came for each of them and loves them.

I can't give you a birthday gift that could ever come close to being able to repay you for any of the riches you've cultivated in my life.  You've given me courage and determination and tenderness and Jesus.  And those things are worth everything.

Happy birthday to a mom I can never repay.
I love you to Jesus!

Shannon

Finding Your Value

My writing has been hit or miss the past year.  I apologize.  It's been a year when my heart's been heavy and so many of the things in my mind have felt too personal to share or have been bits and pieces of other people's stories, and I haven't felt it was mine to tell.  So I've been waiting.  Waiting for inspiration or some brilliant thing to come upon me that would certainly be compelling enough to warrant a blog post.

But for the most part, nothing came.

I sat and stared at the screen.  I typed words, and then I hit backspace until the page was white again.  And I shut the computer down.

I've felt a little inadequate sometimes, to tell the truth.

My reality was shattered to bits by moments spent on the other side of the planet. Standing on a hilltop in a Ukrainian village whose name I still can't pronounce, looking past the smoke from burning trash piles to make out the tiny white speck of a building I was told by the boy standing with me had been his mother's home.  I stood there and caught my breath in my throat, because in that moment he stood beside one who desired to be a mom to him and could not be, because of governments and aging-out of adoption eligibility, looking out at one of the remaining bits of visible connection to a mother who had passed away.  And I just have struggled with how to reconcile all this in my mind, even though I know we live in a broken, hurting world.  

I wondered how many times he'd climbed that hill and looked at that house.

His village is a thousand years old.  We were jokingly told we may have been the first Americans to go there.  (I wonder if it's maybe true.)

We ate fresh sunflower seeds, plucked from the gigantic center of a flower he pulled out of a seemingly endless field of yellow.

It's these moments that have sort of tripped me up this year.

But they weren't all heavy.

We had a good laugh that my husband ate the shell of the sunflower seed, and that I ate the skin of a grape (and lived to tell... we Americans... I tell you what), and we all thought it was funny that we were in great anticipation of a small-town parade when we heard horns and sirens ringing out when in truth it was some sort of Ukrainian signal that you could take your garbage to be disposed of.

When I came home I cried.  And I pushed the Lord to please do something.  Anything.  Give me something to "do" so I feel better about all of this.  Give us an adoption plan.  Give me a ministry opportunity. Something.  Something to be busy and to feel productive.

But I'm learning again to quiet that and to wait. And that's not really my strength, but it's something I am developing with practice, this waiting and this patience. (If you haven't yet, I highly recommend NOT praying for patience.... really.  Anything but patience.  There must be oodles of things God develops in us that are more fun to develop than patience...)

And somewhere in the midst of my stubborn nagging of the Lord to let me remind him of his will and to be sure he knew how very good and well thought out all my plans are for my life, He reminded me of something.

I already have something to do.

I already have a ministry.

He's been whispering to my heart about how my eyes sometimes are focused too far out ahead of me.  So I've pulled back.  And I've been renewing my focus on home and family and the things that are right this minute my work and my offering to him.  And all of these things - these children, this man, our home - are gifts to my life from a really loving and gracious God.  A God who gives good things.  Who is good always.

Last night, I went into a small group class at church called Christianity in the Marketplace.  So, yes, I partially went because I was a smidge shy to go into the women's Bible study alone.... I know, I know- I'm too old to be nervous to attend something without a friend.  But there you have it.  It's true.  So I tagged along with my husband to this class.  And you know what?  It was wonderful.

It was relevant for me.  Because I do have a marketplace.  It's my home.  And in that hour last night, as we heard teaching and as I read the familiar passage of scripture reminding me to "do everything as unto the Lord," I was so encouraged to see my "work" in a new light.  I was able to grab hold of the vision that I saw so clearly 4 years ago when I first stayed home full time.  God reminded me that what I do each day in my home, if I do it heartily and for Him, does have big impact and eternal value.

It's easy for us moms to sometimes forget that what we spend our days doing is of great value.  And I think sometimes the most critical voices we hear are our own.  We sometimes try so hard in our own strength to "make" something valuable of our lives and our time, when really, it's already that.  Because each of our moments is a gift from God.  And no matter what it is we do, when we do it fully and joyfully and diligently and heartily and "as unto the Lord," we can consider our days an offering to give back to the One who has given us this gift of today.

Today is beautiful.  I had coffee earlier than usual, and Sage and I made granola bars.  We took coffee to my husband at work.  Then we went to Target and chose some fun things to use making birthday gifts for my mom and grandmother.  Sage leaned her second memory verse of our "ABC's of Scripture," and she recited it while working diligently on her special gift.  She played the metal triangle instrument we found in the dollar section of Target spontaneously at a number of different occasions: to signal nap time, to signal prayer time, to signal that I could give her a kiss. (Now it's quiet upstairs, so I'm enjoying her sleeping after a 3 week stretch wherein I feared she'd outgrown nap time!)

I'd like to encourage you today to see your time and your life and your value as the Lord does.  Right now, today, you are in a place where God will use your energy and time and talents to be a blessing to others and an example of His love in this world.  Have you had any seasons of life that God has used to change how you see your time?  Are there any ways I can be praying for you today?

The Friendship Goal

My friends are amazing.  Whenever I spend time with the wonderful women in my life, I come away refreshed and encouraged.  My sometimes emptying cup is filled back up with gratitude and grace.  The parts of me that are wearing thin are made stronger.  I am connected, and my heart is full.

Time with friends is a priority to me.  It didn't used to be.  Friend time was a luxury.  It was something for after the house was perfectly clean (which it never is) and the laundry was all put away (which it sometimes is, but mostly isn't).  And because my life is real (read: not perfect!), there is always something to do, and that was causing me to miss out on the best parts of living some days.

The pressure I put on myself as a woman left me feeling like I was coming up short all the way around.  A few months ago, I received a copy of The Me Project: 21 Days to Living the Life You've Always Wanted, and one of the things I did was make a list of 50 goals.  One of them was having more time with friends.  Now that I call it a "goal" instead of a "reward" (for achieving domestic perfection...which I have yet to do), I see my friend time as it truly is: valuable and to be treasured.

If I wait to enjoy my life's precious friendships until all the other stuff is done, I will often miss out.  So I plan my fun things first now.  I write playdates into my calendar in ink and leave the other things for the pencil.  And the coolest thing has happened!  The "work" I need to do gets done faster and more joyfully!

God has made us as women to really thrive within relationships.  We need to connect.  To share.  To tell.  To listen.  God has equipped us to build each other up in our spirits in very unique and beautiful ways, and I believe the gift of friendship is something that God Himself gives us to enjoy fully.  My friends encourage me with God's Word, with their laughter and with their understanding.  They bless my parenting, my marriage, my homemaking and my heart.

Today I Wonder

Many days, I find myself rushing through a long list of things I think I must do only to end up missing out on some of the things that mean much more.  My laundry gets done.  The floors are clean.  My menu for the week is planned out in advance.  My emails are answered.  Those things are great, and they are important parts of running a house.  But they are not the most precious threads woven into the fabric of making a home or raising a family. 

Today I wonder a few things.  I wonder what would happen if my "to do" list took a back seat to my "to be" list.  I wonder if I can learn to see the world from my children's perspective a little better if I slow down a little bit and let their playful rhythm guide my dance steps.  I wonder if I'm missing some of the joyful moments of small things that God wants to give me as blessings.

As I think about these things, I'm smiling.  I'm looking forward to my middle schooler waking up and wanting to tell me the stories she has already told me a thousand times about what happened at school this week.  And I am excited to listen to them like it's the first time I've heard them.  I will look her in the eye instead of listening-while-emailing.  I'm eager to lift my toddler out of her bed and hear her laughter.  I will sit on the floor in the middle of all her toys and play dollhouse with her instead of folding laundry while she plays. 

Today I'm asking the Lord to help me see my time as He sees it and to invest it wisely in the moments that matter the most.  

"Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom."  Psalm 90:14

Seasons of the Dream

This morning, drinking my third cup of coffee and looking out the window at the dirty snowbanks piled high, I feel my thoughts shifting.  Instead of only seeing the gray of winter, I am thinking of what is yet to come.  Thoughts of spring feel good.  Beneath the frozen ground, there is life.  In exactly the right places, there are peonies, irises, roses, astilbe....  I just have to wait until the seasons change, and the beautiful things planted in the soil will push their way up into the daylight.  We will enjoy the fragrance and the beauty of what is now still hidden.

Our lives are filled with seasons, too.  In each of these seasons, the Lord is doing something very specific and very valuable.  We can't shortcut the development that is happening in the winter, while the seeds planted at an earlier time are preparing to burst open.  We can't rush the growth of springtime, just because we want to see the flowers in their full, glorious bloom of summer.  We can't hang on for long to the splendor of the autumn, with its fiery colors and cool evenings.  

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven...  He has made everything beautiful in its time."  Ecclesiastes 3:1 & 11

Right now, my heart is ready for spring.  I've been really enjoying the process of reading Kathi Lipp's The Me Project: 21 Days to Living the Life You've Always Wanted.  I'm being more deliberate about infusing my life with the creativity that has been rekindled.  I am reminded that it glorifies God when I'm using the gifts and talents He's given me.  I'm focusing with more intention on what the Lord has planted for dreams in my heart, I'm feeling the growing anticipation of springtime in my own life.   

What are the dreams beneath the surface of your life right now?  Have you stopped to consider them?  Are you at the early stages of chasing after them?  Are you seeing the fruits of hard work you've done investing in the things God has created you to do?  What season of life are your dreams in today?  Be encouraged that God Himself is a Creator, and He has designed you as His workmanship and in His image.  The things you love to do bring you joy for a reason.  Cultivate your dreams.  Let your gifts burst forth and bloom in your life as a beautiful testimony of His faithfulness!

"Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin!"  Zechariah 4:10

  

Spiritual Growth, Karate Kid Style

I confess:  as a kid, I was a huge Karate Kid fan.  It's true.  I can still hear Bananarama now...

One thing that always bugged me about the movie was how long it seemed to take Mr. Miagi to teach Daniel just what the heck he was supposed to be doing.  It just didn't seem to make any sense.  I was so frustrated every time I had to watch the whole confusing "wax on, wax off," "paint the fence," "sand the floor" sequence.  I just wanted to get to the part where Daniel was kicking some Cobra butt!

For the past year, I've been noticing that God's been walking me through some rather tedious growing experiences.  I journal about my prayers and what I see the Lord doing in my life - the places I'm struggling to understand Him, the things I find myself fighting about with Him, the stubbornness I notice cropping up in myself.  And the faithfulness He shows in response.

Many times this past year, God has asked me to wait.  For all sorts of things.  For all kinds of reasons I don't really know.

Wax on...

Somtimes, God has allowed me to see an open door and has led me to walk toward it.  He has allowed me to invest my heart in dreams He's planted in my soul.  And some of those dreams have been met with what appears, from my limited perspective, to be a resounding slamming of doors.  

Wax off....

God has asked me to trust Him, even when it means being willing to close my eyes and jump out over the edge of my tiny little comfort zone.  Sometimes I have landed in the middle of a place more incredible than I could have imagined (like seeing the fulfillment of my dream of being a "housewife").  And other times, He's let me risk disappointment and put my heart on the line for something that has not turned out as planned, asking me to remember that He is the Lord of my life, and He causes all things to work together for my good. 

He's also asked me to let go of my grip on my dreams and be willing to open my hands to Him.  He's taught me that what I, in my human perspective, may have considered the end of a dream may very well be the redefining of a dream by the Lord, so it reflects HIS heart more than mine.  So I have to trust Him more.  So He will be more glorified in my life.   Because He is interested in accomplishing more things at once than I can really even imagine.  

I'm stepping back, at the beginning of a new year, and I'm looking at how the Lord has been refining my faith and my relationship with him.  I'm seeing some of the pieces fit together.  There is more of a connection.  I know He is preparing me still for work that is yet to be done, yet to be dreamed or understood.   He is often hard to understand.  Sometimes the training ground of faith is a series of seemingly aggravating growing experiences.  But God allows us to walk through these things, because He can see the culmination of all He's doing in our lives, and it is for our good and His glory. 

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."  James 1:2-4

Apron-ista!

I'm not entirely sure that an apron counts as a "fashion accessory," but in my world, it's right up there with shoes and handbags.  Seriously.  Well, maybe not right up there, but certainly close.

There's something so transformative about a fabulous apron!  It brings out my inner Donna Reed, I suppose.  At the very least, it helps me pretend that somewhere, deep down inside, there might be a glimmer of someone so composed and efficient - and supremely cheerful - as Donna Reed.



I'm sharing one of my favorite aprons here, in case any other apronista's are out there reading.  I have oven mits to match!  How cute is that!!!??? 

There's something I'm always drawn to about really old-school homemaking.  I think there's something about serving that we've lost these days.  And that's sad.  But more and more I'm noticing women all around me refusing to be defined by the self-serving culture we live in.  They are determined to be more than that.  I'm seeing a "homemaking revival" (if you will), and it's so exciting!  

As women and homemakers, we have so much power.  We completely set the tone of our homes.  I am guilty of not always doing this as graciously as I should.  There are days I am more impatient or less industrious than I ought to be.  I know God's always refining me and is patient to show me how He wants me to serve Him in my home.

I wonder if we realize the comfort and the beauty we have the power to infuse into the lives of our husbands and children and friends.  We really are the hearts of our homes.

We also have the ability to be women in such a way that we really let our men be men.  And that is really cool (although I know it's totally not P.C. to say that).  These are all things I want to explore more, both in my own life and in this blog.

I'm praying today that in whatever capacity you are currently serving the Lord and your family, that God will give you encouagement and grace to do it with your whole heart, as unto Him.  I also am asking that God will sprinkle His beauty throughout your day, helping you to find ways to make your heart smile, even in the midst of some of the mundane things that sometimes we must do as homemakers.  I'm asking that God will give you joy in the serving.  I pray He'll remind you in your spirit that even the little things you do - or some days the things you may give up doing - to take care of your family are precious in His sight.  


Today, remember the source of your beauty "....should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."  1 Peter 3:4

I'd love to hear more about what you think about what it means to be a homemaker, what taking care of your man means to you, and what you think of aprons!  So please leave a comment, if you'd like!

How to be a Housewife

Since September, I've been a full-fledged "housewife."  It's the job I've been dying to land.  Really, I'm rather cut out for it:  I love wearing aprons, setting the table, planning meals, taking Starbucks deliveries to my husband at work, being available for whatever the kids need at any given moment.  

My back was giving me fits all through the summer, so stopping the little bit of work I was doing has been a big help with that as well!  (Love when "doctor's orders" are to stop working, right!?)

Being home is amazing!  It is so many things.  It is all at once exhillarating and exhausting.  It is a lifestyle blessed with unparalleled flexibility and options and also limited by the schedules of all three of my children.  Homemaking is something that I see as a calling for this season of my life, and God is stretching me and changing me daily in ways that are often challenging and always rewarding.

My prayer for this blog is that it will be "real."  I know that so many times we as wives and mothers long to connect with each other and to relate to each other, and the busy stuff of life sometimes stands in the way.  Sometimes we see the surface of each other's lives and think that we are not doing as good a job with this whole "Christian wife and mother" thing as some of our friends.  And sometimes that may be true. (I know I have friends who knock my socks off with the way they manage their homes and care for their families!)  But I truly believe that most of the time, we are all getting up each day and facing a lot of the same joys and challenges.  

Every day I'm learning "how to be a housewife."  I am not an expert.  Not even close.  Serving the Lord by being a wife and mother is something really important to me, so I'm chasing after God's heart for me as a homemaker.  I'm learning, a little at a time, how to get out of my own way, how to let God set my priorities, how to find time for fun with my friends, how to be an even better follower of my husband's wise leadership.  Someday I hope to learn how to keep up with a two-year old while I'm wearing heels, but that may be asking too much...