Reason #359 Why Teenagers Rock

We don't see enough of the good teenagers do these days.

Here's some GOOD stuff teens are doing for others and for God. 

Get ready to smile (and/or cry)...  

Bangor Baptist Church's Thrive Student Ministries serving inner city Philadelphia at Center for Student Ministries (CSM). Video production by Kanishko, who 

Teens on a Mission: Philadelphia

Hey everyone!  I've been so caught up in my own busy days that I haven't sat down to write in ages.  This year has been incredible.  I've wrestled a little with what to share and what not to share, because so much of the story is not only mine, so I've been living it and not writing it.  But I've missed being here in this space with you all, so I'm excited to be back!

Sunday at 4 a.m. (yes, that's right) we woke up to drive four of our teenagers to church, where they were meeting the teens in Thrive Student Ministries at Bangor Baptist to depart bright and early for a week in Philadelphia doing missions work.  It's been an amazing process, because the trip required each teen to raise $800, and that amount seemed incomprehensible sometimes (x4!), but the Lord, in His perfect faithfulness, provided.  (Here's a photo from 4a.m. - Kanishko snuck out of the shot, but here's my hubby with the girls!)

The teens will be working in the city all week, and they took a prayer tour yesterday - here's a photo of the skyline from their last stop.  They also sat together under an overpass where, each night, homeless people gather to sleep, and they saw shoes hanging from electrical wires over the streets and learned that this usually is in memory of a child who died from gang violence or drugs.

Before heading out each morning, they gather to read the Bible and have some prayer.  Today, their reading is from Matthew9: 35-38 "Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness.  When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.  Then he said to his disciples, 'The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.  Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.'" 

Today, I'm praying that each of the teens on this trip will be broken by the same things that break the heart of Jesus, and I'm asking that as the Lord will take those broken pieces and put them back together in the shape of his perfect will for each of their lives, that he will form in them hearts that hear His voice and are willing to walk in uncomfortable places, just like Jesus did when he put on human skin and walked on this earth.  I'm asking the Lord to speak into each life how He desires to use the gifts and talents knit into each teenager for His glory and for the good of others.  I'm asking God to take this week and fill each moment with His presence, and I ask He would grow each of these students into young adults who chase hard after the heart of Christ in the hurting parts of our world and that "his harvest field" would have some lifelong workers in these students.  

If you'd like to pray for these kids and for Philadelphia with me, please do!  And if you'd like to leave your thoughts or prayers in the "comments," I'll be sure the kids see them when they get home.  Thanks friends!

Beautiful Wazhma

Where to begin....?  We've been so busy, my family and the Shahzaman family both.  In January we accomplished a lot of "starting."  The kids started school, their mom and adult sisters started processes of applying for aid as refugees here in Maine.  And then there has been the waiting.

February has been a strange mix of racing and waiting.  We've been at countless meetings and appointments, visits with housing authorities, dental clinics, schools, learning centers, errands.  We have filled out mountains of paperwork.  (Have I mentioned MOUNTAINS?????)  And then we are told to wait.

"Our" Shahzaman family (as Selden and I have come to know them in our hearts!) are a family of people so amazing and so real and so strong, I don't even know where to begin to describe all I love about them. But I'll give it a whirl.  There is so much to say about each of these people I love, so it will take a few days, and I'll talk about them one at a time, ok?

Wazhma is so tender-hearted and so funny.  One day she and I were driving to the human service office to inquire about her Refugee Assistance, and we made it toward Bangor, and then she asked me something about documents, which I said she needs to have with her.  So we turn around, drive back to the hotel where they're still living (Lord bring them a home soon, please, in Jesus' name, and thank you in advance for this answered prayer).  She shows me what she has for papers, while we're in the parking lot, only to find out she had what we needed and was asking about some documents for her upcoming hair apprenticeship.  So we sat in the car and laughed, because so often we don't understand each other, and all we can do is just laugh and hug (and then go to Mc Donald's for a caramel frappe - her favorite).  So after hugging - and getting a frappe - we began our drive back to human services.

Wazhma said to me while we were driving, "I think one day I go to India, because I think there are very big (meaning "many") hungry children there.  And hungry children is no good."  I agreed with her.  She continued, "Is there very big ("many") Christian people in India?" I told her, "No, very small ("few") but very big other religions there."  She told me, "I think we will go and be very big Christians.  And we feed hungry children there."

I swallowed hard.

A few evenings before this, Wazhma and I were walking through WalMart at about 7:30 with her mom, gathering some groceries for their family.  I hadn't wanted to go.  I was tired.  (And I really don't love WalMart, no offense.)  We walked up and down the aisles, and Wazhma and I were talking a little, examining food items and trying to determine what they were equivalent to in Ukraine.  Her stomach growled, and she patted it and said, "I hungry!" I asked her if she'd eaten at all, and she said, "No today."

Conviction washed over me, hot and hard to bear.  I ate three times that day.  And I didn't feel like being at WalMart, and my friend Wazhma had not eaten anything and was hungry.  Lord, forgive me....

And my sister-friend Wazhma,  who herself (despite my valiant efforts to make sure they have ample food and trips to the store and meals and everything) is sometimes hungry, has a heart that hurts for the hungry bellies of little ones in India.  Have I told you how much I love this woman?

One day, after a day packed with errands and meetings and school visits, Wazhma and I went to the Brewer Library, so I could get books for Sagie and she could get some for Roma, who is 7.  Wazhma wants to help him with his alphabet and his English.  At the desk, I told the librarian that Wazhma needs a card, that yes, she is a Brewer resident, and Wazhma shuffled through her various documents to find the necessary photo ID.  "What is her address?" I was asked.  After giving the address at the Inn, I was told, "Oh, we don't give cards to people at the Inn.  We've had problems with that before."  "What!?" I was stunned.  "Can she use your card?" I was asked.  "She is a Brewer resident," I told them, "and she would like her own card.  She has 5 siblings in school here in Brewer, and she wants to read to her little brother, who's in Mrs. Raymond's first grade class, so he can learn his letters."  "Can she use your card, then?" I was asked again.

I cried.  I stood at the desk in the Brewer library and I actually cried.  (I am not a crier-in-public, ok?) Then I said, without pausing for air, and with tears rolling and voice shaking, "She is a refugee, and she came to this country and was in a Muslim housing project even though she's a Christian, and her family is now in Maine, and she is my friend.  I've known them for a couple years, and she is not going to steal your books or not return them. She lives in Brewer.  The five kids are in school here, and they're not just going to up and leave with these books.  Can she PLEASE have a card of her own?  This is SO undignified! She has NOTHING of her own now, and all she wants is a library card, so she can read to her little brother!" I wiped my eyes.  Shelley, a librarian who I've known for years came over and smiled at us, and she took a library card out and issued it to Wazhma (I am a big fan of Shelley).  Wazhma and I left with our stacks of books.

In the parking lot we walked, arms around each other's shoulders, to the van.  "Maybe this is a very bad day!" she said, and we squeezed each other and laughed.  "Yes," I said, "but tomorrow a good day." She agreed, and we laughed a little more.  Sometimes that's all you can do after crying in the library.

Wazhma is stunning.  Beauty personified.  And to see her heart....  Oh my goodness.  The story her life has been up to this point is something I am still learning of in bits and pieces, through her broken English and her emphatic gestures and expressions.  But the message always comes through.  She has seen a lot of hard places.  She has lived through more fear and hurt and loss than I will probably ever know in my whole lifetime, and she is still tender-hearted, warm, open.  Quick to laugh.  Filled with hope even when weary from the long months of waiting for something that feels like roots being put down in this new country.  And it is not easy. 

Today, will you pray with me specifically for my sweet friend Wazhma?  She is hoping to start apprenticing at The L Factor with my childhood buddy Gina, and I am praying that all her documents can be perfectly provided so this can start soon.  I'm praying for her future here to be blessed.  And I am praying for her to be in a permanent home very soon.  Bangor Baptist is still accepting donations to help pay their ever-growing hotel debt, and if you are moved in your heart to give a gift of any amount toward this, it is tax-deductible and is greatly appreciated and can be sent to:
Bangor Baptist Church
1476 Broadway  
Bangor, Maine 04401 
(memo: Refugee Assistance). 


"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.... What, then, shall we say in response to this?  If God is us, who can be against us?  He who did not spare his own Son, but gave im up for us all - how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?" Romans 8:28 & 31, 32

So His Beauty Eclipses our Battle

Goodbye, 2011.  You wrung me out.  Left me weary.  Drug me through the trenches.  Leveled my heart.  Rendered me speechless at times.  Shook apart the familiar.  Relentlessly bombarded my spirit with battles. 


And I'd just like to say thank you.

(And please don't keep on doing that in 2012. I'd sort of like a break.)

There are some things I learned last year, and I'll share them with you, because I hope that in your uncertain places, on your battlefields, in the days of having your fingers pried away from the things you have always clung to for comfort, you may be blessed and encouraged by the beauty of our faithful God. And the knowledge that you are in good company in those hard places.

In the battlefield seasons, one way we can learn to "abide" is by choosing to "engage elsewhere," so the Lord is doing what He promises to do in His Word: fighting on our behalf.

When things are hard, and they will be, focusing on the "hard" will exhaust and deplete us of all the good resources the Lord wants us to be filled with.  Because the real battles are spritual, we can waste a lot of our energy trying in our own strength to handle things, but God wants us to be useful for HIM.  I believe that we are built to best handle hard places when we are at the same time working on building good things for the glory of God.

I love the passage in Nehemiah, when he talks about how the families are stationed to build the wall, and they are both building and battling, as also we can be!


"Those who carried materials did their work with one hand and held a weapon in the other, and each of the builders wore his sword at his side while he worked."  Nehemiah 4:17 & 18


We are promised in the Word of God that "In this world, we will have trouble.  But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)  


The trick is not to be distracted by the trouble.  For me, that has taken some practice.

The very best way of doing this is to dive head-first into serving the Lord and serving others.  An ultimate act of faith in the Lord is being able to hand Him the difficult things, the battle-places, the unknowns, the things that hurt or induce anxiety, and let him focus on those things for us, while we purpose in our hearts to focus on serving.


We pray about the hard stuff.  We fast.  We talk with friends who can encourage us.  We use wisdom and seek cousel.  We do what needs to be done.  And then we step back and move in the direction of service, while the Lord does the stuff only He can do behind the scenes.

It's knowing when to actively engage and when to intentionally abide.


Jehoshaphat learned about engaging and abiding and the power of worship.  When faced with a "vast army," God told him, "Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army.  For the battle is not yours, but God's." (2 Chronicles 20:15)  And Jehoshaphat walked out what he needed to walk out, but he stepped onto that battle field to face the other army, and he did so with intentional praises to the Lord "for the splendor of His holyness" and "as they began to sing and praise, the Lord set ambushes against the men of Ammon and Moab and Mount Seir who were invading Judah, and they were defeated."  

We as humans really are powerless.  Everything is Him.  Everything is for His glory.  We have to get out of the way, stop trying to take over the wheel, stop trying to write the story, stop trying to fight the battle and start remembering that it's all under His control.

Our greatest strength is in recognizing our weakness in light of His great might.
Then we can let go.
I mean, really let go.

What we are to cling to is not our desire to control but our desire to serve.  We must serve in ways that stretch us.

We must understand that the Lord will sometimes ask us to say "YES!" to something that IS too big, too hard, too expensive, too radical before we even have the slightest idea of HOW He is going to work it out.  


Because we know Him.  And He will work it out.


This August, we did that very thing.  We didn't have the extra money for a trip to Ukraine that the Lord put on our hearts.  And we said yes, told a kid we love who's half the world away that we're coming, and we were committed.  Before we had one dollar raised toward it.  And just in time, each time we came to a need (purchasing plane tickets - we had $5 left over!) the Lord had provided exactly enough. And then He provided - through all of our friends' gracious giving - extra!  The great thing is, because all that we had was given to us, we couldn't receive any glory!  It was only for the Lord.  Which is how it always ought to be, but sometimes, when we don't have to trust and wait and rely on His provision, we deceive ourselves into thinking we have done some great thing.  And all the good is always only God.

There is glory for Him when there is need in us.


I hate asking for help. And I hate not knowing how things are going to work out.

So the Lord hit me in both of these places this year, because I had to ask for help with the fund raising.  And I had no idea how it would come together.

But I said yes ahead of time.  And that unleashed what has become a whole new reckless type of faith in me.  And it's amazing!

God's Word isn't filled with promises just so we can recite them and sound spiritual.  He gives us promises to cling to.  With our fingernails.  With desperate hanging-on.  When things don't make sense, as well as when they do.

There are often moments of not understanding and of feeling totally helpless that precede the overwhelming flood of grace that God pours out in answering our deepest plea for His help and His work in our lives.  And that is very cool.  He never leaves us stranded.  But He will sometimes let us wait for a while, so that we have let go of all the stuff of "us" that could interfere with His receiving the glory. And it makes us stronger.  Braver.  Tougher.  More useful.

God desires and deserves our trust.

The Lord will tell us the "what" and often not include the "why" or the "how."  Only in the trusting are we able to be ok with that.  And sometimes it takes practice.  A lot of practice.

This past year, the Lord has taken us on a huge adventure, closer to His heart, deeper into His love of the orphan, the widow, the fatherless and the stranger.  We've chased hard after His will and to obey.

We've worked to let go of what we are comfortable with, even when we don't understand, because we know God is good and will take care of us.  We've been led into a different church, and that was hard, because we love the church we attended before - the teaching, the friends, the worship.  But God asked us to pack up our family and go across town, and we weren't exactly sure why (I pester about why a lot, so I think God likes to stretch me).  And piece by piece, He is confirming we're in His will.

Some things are hard and beautiful at the same time.  
That's ok. 

In our new church, we are seeing that God has laid a groundwork in advance of what is turning out to be a perfect network of relationships in place to receive a family of refugees we love dearly. We met these amazing kids in person on our Ukraine trip last summer.  They are Afghani refugees, and they called Sunshine their home for several years, while they and their mom awaited entry to the U.S., which they were granted this past September.  Initially they were placed in Atlanta, but the desire of their hearts is to be in Maine.  So very soon, they will be moving here!

Our own family is being blessed in our new church as well: our kids are engaged, we are making new friends, we are under strong and gifted and personable leadership, but also the Lord had a plan that we had no idea about, and only in glimpses is He revealing the perfection of how He has set this thing up.  We are thankful for a pastor who, without having known us long, has shown a heart to welcome and serve our refugee friends alongside others and ourselves, continually making available his network of resources for their benefit.  Yesterday I met a church member who has offered a wonderful first home to our friends, and I can see in her spirit a mothering heart that will bless them tremendously.  I received an email from a Russian woman at church, who I have yet to meet in person, who is eager to welcome our Russian-speaking friends and be a friend to them herself.  


God is good.  All the time.  When we understand fully and when we don't. We always know He's good.  So we can go into the places He leads with confidence that He will be glorified and we will be blessed!

When we returned last summer from Sunshine, I cried.  I cried the whole way across Europe, across the ocean and into Boston.  I fell asleep briefly on a bus ride from Boston to Bangor, but when I woke up, I cried more.  I cried at the grocery store the first time I went after returning home, because I saw sunflowers for sale.  And Sasha's village is filled with sunflowers (which are prettier than the ones here). I cried at random times for months. My heart was so leveled by our trip to Ukraine.  I truly wanted to pack up my family and all we could fit in suitcases and move to Sunshine and look after the kids. (This was not possible or what God was asking right now, however.) My heart was in a million pieces, having seen a bit of what the Lord is doing there and how tremendous the needs are and how precious the people.  

But spending myself last year on behalf of others... that was good.  It was necessary.  It has to be a permanent lifestyle.  Because it is the only way of true joy.  It's the only way to set aside the things that are heavy and to pick up the joy of the Lord.


On my oldest daughter's 13th birthday, just a week away, we will be receiving a really huge gift from the Lord.  It is then the family we came to love dearly at Sunshine will be arriving in Maine, to enter into the new future the Lord has prepared.  They will be driven by a missionary friend we've known for two years but will meet in person for the first time.  His church in Kentucky is funding their move and a large part of their initial lodging.  And a church in Bangor, where we barely even know anyone yet, is awaiting their arrival with open hearts and arms.  Friends from all over my part of the state - from a number of churches and businesses and families - have reached out to this family for over a year, so although it's their first time stepping foot in Maine, the Lord has prepared a place for these refugees to find refuge in Him and in presence of His people.

It's this type of chasing, this type of investment of time and energy, that causes the Lord's great beauty to eclipse the battles that go on in life.  The hard stuff is small in light of the greatness of my God.  We have to fix our focus.


Our hearts are a bit like our eyes. We can really only look at one thing at a time.  
We can look inward, or we can look upward. 


I'd like to encourage you to join me in 2012 in a bit of a challenge.  I'd like this to be a year of looking up.  It's not always easy. I'll probably fall short a lot of days. But if you'd like to point your heart's focus upward with me, we will certainly see the Lord resolve the peripheral stuff, the battles that only He can fight anyway, the troubles this world tosses toward us, the things that we really can't control. What we can control is how we aim our gaze... We will be seeing most whatever it is we are looking at, right?  Let's look together at the beauty of our Lord Jesus Christ and chase hard after the things He has in mind for us to do in His service, for His glory.  


(And check out this awesome promise God makes us, if we're willing to live other-focused and Christ-focused!  Who'd want to miss this!?)


"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke, 
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter - 
when you see the naked, to clothe him, 
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
Then your light will break forth like the dawn, 
and your healing will quickly appear; 
then your righteousness will go before you, 
and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.
Then you will call, and the Lord will andwer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.


If you do away with the yoke of oppression, 
with the pointing finger and malicious talk, 
and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry 
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, 
then your light will rise in the darkness, 
and your night will become like the noonday.
The Lord will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strenghten your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden, 
like a spring whose waters never fail." (Isaiah 58:6-11)

One Small Thing for One Great Purpose

He probably has no idea how much he's given us.  There is a gray and yellow set of tea cups and saucers in my china cabinet, which he handed me on a subway in Kiev.  He bought them for us with money he should have used for himself.  Sasha gave us chocolates also.  But he did more.  He let us in.  He gave us his trust.

And he gave us an opportunity to trust in a God who asks more of us than we have resources to give... A God who wants the "yes" from us and will supply all we need to give in response. 


For two years I've wrestled with the Lord about my desire to have control over how things go in my life.  I have asked God to take me out of my comfort zone, and still I've clung to the familiar and the comfortable. I've asked God for a heart for the orphan, and He's given this to me, and I didn't really know when I asked for it, how much this type of heart can hurt.  Or how much this heart is transformed by a love that is focused outward. And upward.

For two years, I've known Sasha in letters and photos and through stories told by the adults who care for him at Sunshine Center, people who now I call sisters in Christ and dear friends.

Last year, many dear friends across the country loved on the Sunshine kids with gifts and letters at Christmas.  Some of these friends have been broken in their hearts for the child they chose and have kept on giving.

I don't think Sasha knows that he is really who God used to begin such a sweet pouring out of grace. 

The Lord used our friends again last summer to provide all that we needed to fund a trip to Sunshine, and our sweet friends sent us with suitcases filled with gifts for the kids and all the staff who work so hard and so faithfully, so often unnoticed by eyes other than the Lord's.

Selden played a version of soccer-basketball with Sasha and Zamir one afternoon.  We visited a Ilja in the hospital.  Oksana and Olia and Misha swung me so high on a bench swing that I was shrieking, and we were laughing, and Misha was making silly noises like our Eli does.

And so often we would see our own children in these kids. 

I washed dishes with Aleksandra, and I made hamburger patties with Olia and Oksana and some other girls.  Kanishko helped Selden roast marshmallows for s'mores.  Manoz never stopped smiling, not even once. Katia came quietly to me before we left and gave me a small bear.  Valik, in his camo pajamas, ran into the room we sat in with Ilia, having tea and talking about how she felt about moving to the States, and he hugged me over and over.  Then he gave me a little stuffed monkey.

How can kids we travelled acoss continents to serve be the ones giving so freely?

How is it that I am receiving so much more than I feel I am giving?

Or is that just the way it is, when we give in Jesus' name, that it is really we ourselves who continue to be filled to overflowing, so that the giving is not an emptying at all?  

When we receive from a God of limitless resources, why do I continue to be surprised by the capacity He has to do still more?

It is the time of year again when I am putting together the Facebook group "Sunshine Christmas 2011" for the gift giving project, and this year there are significantly more children who are listed.  Please pray with me that each child will be chosen by someone and will be blessed, even as I know each of those generous hearts who give will be blessed even more.

If you would like to be part of what God is doing to remind kids who have had very difficult circumstances to face so far in their lives that they are remembered, that they are loved, that they have been chosen to receive something special, that they are prayed for... please come on over and join us.

Please share this project with your friends as well.  I would like to personally invite you to be part of loving the orphan, part of doing one small thing for one great cause:  that Jesus Christ would be glorified!

(And please pray for our family at this time as well. We are updating our adoption home study, for what is now a third time.  I'm not sure at all what the Lord has planned, but when He shows us His will, we will be ready.)

A Growing Season

Over a year ago, I did something dangerous.  I don't recommend you try this at home, unless you're ready for what will happen afterward. Over and over, throughout the winter of last year, I prayed that God would stretch me, take me out of my comfort zone and bring me to rely on Him alone.  And He has.  And He is.

"He must become greater; I must become less." John 3:10

In so many ways, God is stripping away what is me, what is comfortable.  I can look a short ways behind me now, and I see how very much I have always relied on myself.  If I couldn't see the end of the road, I would typically not step foot on it.  But in God's answering my prayer for more unleashing of faith and total reliance on Him, He is calling me and my husband to step out into new places and agree to do more than we could possibly do on our own.  It's a beautiful, raw, unbridled faith-testing, this going into the unknown.  Each step along the way, God is using His Word as "a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path." And He is bringing precious travellers alongside us.

My eyes are opening daily to more and more need.  It is everywhere, in this broken world we call home for now.  The love of Christ for the orphan has taken root in my heart, and over the course of a few years of learning about what the Word of God says about orphans and what my responsibility is to them, I am digging deeper and deeper into the dark places of our world, asking the Holy Spirit to really let me see.  At one time, I lived in my own world, enjoying my own "stuff" and giving my tithes and doing nice things as long as it didn't cost me my own comforts.  I can't see what Jesus sacrificed for me, and see the hurting world around me, and continue to live for myself, though.  It just isn't possible.  Christ poured out His own blood for me, and I have never been worthy of what I cost him.  How can I possibly see those needs around me and not consider them worthy of a cost to myself?

"But the king replied to Araunah, 'No, I insist on paying you for it. I will not sacrifice to the LORD my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing.'" 2 Samuel 24:24

God is revealing to my heart that there are many types of offering I can make to Him.  My praise in the midst of trials.  Money I set aside for something for me that I can instead use for someone else.  Being afraid to fly over the ocean and getting on the plane anyway, to go where the Lord send us. The willingness to miss my babies for a week to shower a boy we consider family, and who misses his parents every single day of his life, with the love of a mom and dad.

What started as a heart for adoption, a heart for the orphan, is being grown into a heart more burdened by the brokenness in this world... into a heart that knows more about human trafficking and that many orphans wind up in sex slavery all across this planet and even in our nation, because they are easy victims of evil people in a hugely profitable industry... a heart that knows kids watch their parents die of AIDS, sometimes curled up beside them as they succumb to the horrible death AIDS inflicts on its victims, and then wind up heads of households at age 10... a heart that knows there are little babies and children living in this world with HIV who have no family and are considered nothing more than what, in our Lord's time, people considered the lepers - filthy, outcast, throw-away people, and that is not who they are or how God considers them... and I now know these kids can actually be adopted and with meds we have access to here, can live a normal life span.  I am now aware that as my kids splash their summer days away in swimming pools and lakes, there are whole communities dying slowly from lack of clean water.  I know there are little children with empty bellies, and they all have names and faces and stories.  And God doesn't desire my guilt at having health and having food on the table and clean water to splash in, because it is the Lord who blesses us with these things.  But He is clear in His Word that I have a duty, and He has given me a desire to act. 

"Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the right of the poor and oppressed. Rescue the weak and needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked." Psalm 82:3-4

"Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy."  Proverbs 31:8-9

Recently, as I'm drawn more in love with the children in our world and in our own country who are orphans, God is not allowing me to be content living with blinders on.  I can feel my heart seeking out more understanding, and I'm asking God to give me His eyes and His heart and His strength.  

As we prepare to go on our first trip to Eastern Europe, we ask you would be praying for us.  The Lord is so faithful to guide us in the direction of His will.  It's a huge gift from the hand of God Himself to be able to look our Sasha in the face and tell him he is worth the travel and that he is loved by us and by the Lord.  That moment, and all the moments we will spend in his company, are an honor which I am humbled to be able to receive.  There is not a single person on this earth I would rather meet than our Sasha.  Not one.  (There's not an 11-year old girl on the planet who wants to meet Justin Bieber any more than we want to meet Sasha!) I cannot tell you how moved my heart is that God is giving us this opportunity. Wow... am I ever going to be crying tears of joy!

I'd like to also express my deep thanks for all those (some I know well and others I've never met) who have invested of their time, prayers, finances, energy, and words of encouragement to us.  We are going on this mission and bringing you all along in our hearts.  We could not do this were it not for your participation, and God is using every single thing you are investing to not only bless us but to make a real impact on the children and caregivers we will be with this month and on children we are working toward supporting in the future.  Your gifts are going to have eternal impact, and I am honored to watch your hearts in action.   

Please pray that we would be able to accomplish all the Lord intends for us to do.  The trip has grown by His grace into one that is allowing us opportunity to work on behalf of orphans in a number of different ways.  I'm seeing how small my faith has always been, in light of what I'm learning now about growing in my faith to the point that I press in hard toward the unknown and the too-big and the I-don't-know-how.  

"Do not despise these small beginnings, for the LORD rejoices to see the work begin!" Zechariah 4:10

Interviewed on Project HOPEFUL's Blog Today

You've heard me share about Project HOPEFUL and a little about my new role as their Maine Associate, and today I was invited to be interviewed on their blog.  Come on over with me...

Guest Posting On Bangor Daily's "Get Ginafied"! (Come on over...)

It's not everyday that manicures and missions collide.  I'm really excited to be guest posting today at Get Ginafied, and I'd love to have you follow me over there to hear what all the fuss is about....

(Just for fun, here's a photo of me and Gina from the days when we both were blondies!)

A Mama's Tears

With tears, I welcome my children into my life, into this world.  It's just what I do.  I cry.  And I say, "Thank you, Jesus." In fact, my husband had to remind me to wait a few more pushes to start crying over Sagie, because I apparently started crying too soon.  If that's too much information, please forgive me.

It's with certainty that I can tell you, I will be crying in a few weeks, when I first set my eyes on my oldest child.  The one I did not give birth to, but over whose life my heart and prayers have labored for 20 months.  The son who does not share our last name or live in our home, but whose presence in our family has changed us by God's hand in more ways than I can ever list, will quite possibly stand in awe of this red-headed American woman who is crying when she meets him and saying, "Thank you, Jesus" in a language he does not speak.  I'm hoping that he'll see the joy in those tears and be blessed to know how much he moves my heart. 

His photos hang on our walls.  His sleeping bag is rolled up in its case upstairs, alongside Eli's and Lia's.  His fishing pole is in our garage. Our two-year old includes him in the list of siblings she prays for at bedtime. But he is not here.  There are still a few things in bags on my bedroom floor that I have held off mailing to him.  Because I hoped he would be coming here and we could give them to him in person.  

Instead, we will take his things to him ourselves next month.  "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.  "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55: 8-9 

We've also been given some wonderful things to share with our friends at Sunshine, from our local Borders, which is closing.  (More tears.)  We were told that flavored coffee is a big treat to our friends at Sunshine, so Borders has been collecting donations of coffee from wonderfully generous customers, and they have also put together some cool things for the kids!

We're so encouraged to see how the Lord is providing for our needs as we are going ahead on this trip He has called us to.  We have been relying on the Lord for every penny of our travel expenses, and He has provided graciously for all things.  We purchased our tickets last week, and we had five bucks to spare!  Now we're raising funds for our expenses in-country, and we have been blessed by friends giving, either through Project HOPEFUL's "Donate" button up at the top right of this blog or directly making gifts to us for the things we'll be doing in our ministry overseas.  

God is so faithful.  I just want to be sure to say that today.  He is so faithful, and He is always faithful. If there is anything in your life that you are sensing the Lord calling you to do, stepping out in faith, walking beyond the borders of where you are comfortable, agreeing to do more than you can possibly do with the resources you have within your control: go for it.  That's on my heart to share. I don't know if someone reading this today may be hearing all the reasons not to do something being whispered over the call of Christ to step out, but I want to encourage you to say "yes."  Say yes before the money is there, or the house is perfect, or the answers all are worked out.  Say yes, because the One who is calling you out is able to meet each need as it arises, and if you have all the resources and all the answers, then are you really even using any faith?  I'm learning so much about clinging to nothing but my Lord, and He alone is able. 

I have one request of you all.  Would you please pray for us?  This morning I've been reading in Colossians, and I'd like to make this verse my request.  "And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ...Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should."  Colossians 4:3 & 4  Please also pray for Sasha, that his life and his future will be impacted by the message of the Gospel, that we will share with him the love of Christ in ways that meet him right where he is, and that he will know the love of a mom and dad, even though he has had to suffer the loss of his birth mom and dad.  Please pray that we will be a blessing to the staff who work with all the kids, both at Sunshine and at any other orphanage or children's center we will be visiting.  Please pray we will be led by the Spirit in knowing what to say and how to say it at all times, and that we would be wise and that we would build lasting relationships.  Above all, please pray that God will be glorified in every single aspect of our travels and our time.  

Some of you have followed our journey with Sasha since its beginning.  There have been so many tears cried over this boy.  We have come to love him with the love of Christ and with the love of parents, and we know God's plans for him are so good.  I love what Psalm 126 says:  "The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy... Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.  He who goes out weeping, carrying seeds to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him."  The Lord has brought us to the place where the tears will be tears of joy.  We've birthed dreams and we've seen them die.  We've handed back to the Lord those things which we believe He has written on our hearts, and He does what only He is able to do.  He has written for our lives a story we could not have predicted, and it is good.  His faithfulness never fails us.  He is the Lord, our God, and we are honored to be able to serve Him.  

Thank you for your prayers.  God is using you to accomplish His will, and we know we are surrounded by those who love us and who share God's heart for the orphan.  We are eager to meet the caregivers we have come to call our friends, who serve the Lord daily in the fields of the fatherless.  We look forward to reporting back beautiful stories of redemption amidst the hard places.  And we are very excited to spend time in person with our guy, Sasha.  "Thank you, Jesus." (Tears.)

Why "there" when there's so much need "here"?

My grandmother and I are talking about the gifts.  We're talking about how she could mention to her girlfriends that if they'd like to buy a small gift for one of the children we'll be visiting at the center in Ukraine, and I'll give her some photos to show them, so they can see the kids.  We talk about how it's so important for a child who has lost everything - sometimes more than once - to have a little something that is just theirs.

She tells me that she has enjoyed the shoebox projects her church does at Christmas, but that a lot of people ask her, "Why do you send things to kids in other countries when their are so many needy kids here?" She doesn't really have an answer, except that she enjoys it.  But I can tell she wants an answer, as I think she feels a little anticipation of these questions coming up again.  

We talk more.  About Jesus and children and gifts. About needs so great.  And us, so small.

The question is valid, though, and I think it's important to talk about all these things, when we talk about missions and ministry and giving and orphan care.  I hear this question worded in different ways. "Why would they adopt from another country when there are so many children here?" "Why would they adopt a child with severe special needs, when there are healthy children who need a home?"  "Why did they want to have a foster child, when they could have adopted a baby, without all that baggage?"  "Why would you help kids far away, when there are so many poor children in our own communities?"  

I hope I'm not speaking out of turn, but the only thing that continually comes to mind when I hear these questions is that the needs are so great..... so great.  Way beyond what any one of us could possibly meet.  And the Lord loves each of these little ones so incredibly.  And there is truth in each of these questions.  There are so many children - little ones, bigger ones - who all have needs that sting my heart. And I'm so thankful that we serve a God who calls each of us to unique areas of service, so that, hopefully, we are all together working as the body of Christ to do what we can to reach this hurting world with the love of Jesus.  

And I'm encouraged when I step back and see a larger picture of what is happening around me.  I have friends who have adopted from foster care and others who've adopted babies of all different colors as infants, and I have friends who've travelled the globe against all earthly odds to bring children home when governments and embassies have been difficult to work with.  I have friends who have had adoptions fall apart time and again, but who've continued on in faith that God is in control, even through tremendous grief and broken hearts.  And I have friends I have not yet met who give their lives daily to rescuing children from the streets of Eastern Europe and taking care of them.  I know a man who set up a house in a whole different country just so that kids there would be safe.  And I am getting to know friends who've stared down stigmas and fear and lies to bring home children who would have died of AIDS if left in other countries, but who are able to be safe and healthy and live great lives in the U.S. because we have the medicine they need and the families they need.  I have a childhood friend who works to fight human trafficking.  Each of us can do something.  God will show us each what that is.  And that feels like hope.

And all these children are precious.  Each of them is of indescribable value to the Lord.  And they each do have needs.  And as God's people, we have to ask Him how He wants each of us to be working to meet those needs.  We are not all called to do the same thing.  But I believe we have to be honest enough to ask the Lord His heart for us, and we have to be willing to expose our own hearts to the hard things and the hard places.  Sometimes that means going.  Sometimes it means staying.  Sometimes it means seeing needs and not understanding why they are not met yet.  And it means trusting that the God we serve is able to redeem the broken pieces and create beauty from ashes.  But I don't believe it's God's will for any child to be an orphan.  It's a sad fact of living in a broken world, but it's not ok.  And I don't care where the children live, they move my heart. 

I can't really get my head around the magnitude of need in our world...In our own back yards or across the planet.  So I start where I can.  And there is no value to be placed differently among children based on their geographic location.  If you have a heart to serve, the Lord will show you where your life and your love and your time are needed.

For us, God has given us a relationship with a boy halfway around the world.  And we've been blessed to call him "son," even though he is not with us in person.  One thing that is true, no matter where we serve is that relationship and consistency are the keys.  Also, I'm learning over and over again that we have to be continually asking the Lord and asking the people who know more than we do, "How we can best help?"  

We're approaching the Ukraine orphan care work with that attitude of "Show us how, Lord."  We are working to have authentic dialogue with people who are currently in the trenches of orphan care in Ukraine, who know where the needs are and who have incredible insight into how we can come alongside and offer support. So please keep praying with us that God will continue to reveal His plans and His will to us as we are working to understand the best way to care for orphans.  

Would you like to give a small gift to an orphan in Ukraine?  Let me know, and I'll tell you about the kids who still need someone to give to them!  And I'll be sure to share photos with you.  You can also make a donation through the Donate button at the top of the page, and help through Project HOPEFUL - we're raising money to do some special things for the children while we're there.  It's really exciting!

I am praying also for you, that you'll be encouraged in your own life as you see needs and work to meet them in the name of Jesus.  If you would like to share about how God's stirring your heart into action and where you are called to serve, I would love to have you leave a comment and tell me about it. It's so encouraging to hear about what each of you is doing! 

"May the God of all peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus...equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen."  

Hebrews 13:20-21

Of the "yes" and the greatest bookstore ever

"Yes."  That's where it all starts.  At the yes.  And faith doesn't swell up in the unknowing, before-hand moments.  It is the answer we give without knowing how or when or sometimes even exactly what. But we always know why...  Because He has asked this of us.

A "yes" in the midst of not enough and no clue how and not at all qualified is the offering.  It's the giving up dependence on ourselves.  Giving up the comfort zone.  The cost of obedience to a God who has all the resources of the universe at His disposal is the willingness to let go of that small bit of what we presume is under our control.  Although it never really has been.  Not really.

And we embrace the unknown future with a sense of eagerness and wonder, knowing the story we are living has an Author whose plans for us are good.  We know that any story He writes for us is one worth living.  And worth living with abandon.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."  Hebrews 11:1

The way I write a story is to map it out... to know the way the pieces fall into place before it's all been written down and fleshed out.  But that's not the way to live a good story.

The real secret is in the yes.  The yes, no matter what.  The yes, period.  When God asks us to do something too big for us, too expensive for us, to hard for us, it is because that is when we finally get out of the way and trust in Him alone.  He orchestrates the details.  He puts people in our lives to become part of the story.  And it all starts with saying yes.  It's a leaping without needing to look, trusting that what springs up from obedience to the Lord will be a beautiful harvest.

"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."  Hebrews 11:6

Over and over, I am so blessed by the help we are receiving from people who are eager to help us get to Ukraine this summer.  I struggled at first with the asking for help.  It's not what I'm comfortable doing.  And that's just pride.  It's not good, and it's something God's stripping away, layer by layer.  It's been so incredible to ask for help and to see people catch the vision for helping these kids we've come to love.  And in sharing, more people have come to love these kids as well.

Today, I was at Borders (the Bangor store is THE best!) having my favorite latte, and I was so encouraged and excited to hear that they're collecting bags of flavored coffee for us to take to the caregivers in Ukraine!  What a treat for them!  This outreach has become something bigger than just ours alone.  It's something our community and friends and family are joining with us in making possible, and all the fruit that is a result of the time we spend there belongs to all of you as well.

Signed, "Your Sasha"

June already feels like it's flying by.  I can't believe that in just a handful of weeks, we'll be boarding a plane and heading to Kiev, Ukraine!  Neither Selden nor I love flying, so please be praying that I won't hyperventilate while flying over the ocean.  

This morning, I want to express my thanks.  When I have needed help, friends have shown up, unexpectedly, to lighten my load.  When we've shared our story of Sasha coming into our lives (and I've tried not to cry while talking about seeing him finally get to have that highly anticipated fishing day with my husband - even if it's halfway around the world), I've seen smiles spread across faces, and I know that the Lord's moving hearts for this boy and his friends at Sunshine. I remember daily that this is the Lord's work, not mine, and He will do this.

Some area churches have expressed interest in sharing the ministry of Sunshine and our heart for Sasha and the kids who, like him, call Sunshine their home.  Please pray for these opportunities with us.  It's exciting to see God take the seeds of a small "yes" spoken by a couple of ordinary parents in a small New England town and grow them into more ministry opportunities, more ways to spread the Gospel and the heart of Christ. We know all we have offer to our Father is small, but we have a Lord who can take a few loaves and fishes and feed thousands.  It's the willingness to give what we can that God wants to see in our lives.  Sometimes, knowing that what we have is less than what is needed to accomplish something has kept me from the "yes," but not any more.  

I'd like to take this moment to let you all know that, as you have come alongside us in prayer, in giving of time and encouragement and even sharing with us financially, this mission is already bearing fruit, and we haven't even packed our bags.  We're very excited to spend time with all the children and to do some special things to bless them in the name of Jesus while we're in Ukraine.  This is a heart mission.  A sharing God's love in tangible ways mission.  An entering-your-world-because-you-are-worth-the-effort mission.  All of these children are worth the time and effort of getting to know personally, and the staff who minister to them daily are people I am honored to have the privelage of calling friends and getting to meet!

We got a sweet letter from Sasha late last week.  He is excited for our visit.  His heart sounds hopeful and full of anticipation, and he's already coming up with a list of places in Ukraine he wants to take us, and we can't wait!  God loves this boy, this young man who puts tears in my eyes every time a new photo of him comes up in my email.  Every time I see his letters, signed "Your Sasha," my heart whispers a tearful "thank you, Jesus" to the Father of the fatherless, to the One who takes regular people like us and  helps us be family to a child we've yet to meet but recognized as "one of our kids" the first time we laid eyes on him. 

Back from Much Painting and Fund Raising

So I've been missing for the past few weeks. Well, not really missing, just painting and yard sale hosting.  We're working on a couple big dreams right now:  Getting our family into a different home (with more bedrooms,which my husband is certain I'll fill with children in need of a home in no time!) and raising the funds we need to get to Ukraine for our missions trip and to do some special things with the kids at Sunshine. 

(After!!!)

The real truth is, I fell in love with this crazy yellow sofa at an antique marketplace downtown.  It was love at first sight.  And it looked hideous in my red living room.  Hence the painting.  (Plus - bonus - we love the neutral color pallette for selling!!!!!)  I've added a couple silvery chairs from Home Goods and a wild pair of lamps to de-grannify my hundred year old sofa in my hundred year old sitting room.  Love it!

Our dining room had been navy, which I loved at one time, and of course, no one on HGTV recommends navy for a room when one is trying to sell her home, so we painted the woodwork (to flatter the new windows we put in this fall) and also lightened up the walls.  

 I LOVE my new tone-on-tone dining room!  We have tons of windows, so the softer colors really bounce the light around, and the Brazilian cherry floors really look great with the bright white woodwork (which, by the way, is so beautiful and one of my favorite features in an old home!) and cozy taupe walls.

We still have a couple more rooms to spruce up before the house goes on the market, and since our peonies are about to pop open, and the irises are about to bloom, it would be super if we can finish up this weekend and get listed!

I can't believe I didn't take any photos of the yard sale we had last weekend!  Literally, our family room, garage, entry foyer and part of our dining room were FILLED with boxes of wonderful items donated by friends and family for our fund raiser yard sale!  I can't believe I didn't get one photo....  You should have seen the driveway, COVERED with tables of fabulous clothes and other goodies.  We had friends bake amazing pastries, which sold in a snap for donations to our missions trip.  Friends showed up and stayed for hours, helping me set up and sell.  And the Lord was so good to us - we had thunderstorms forecasted, and He gave us such a bright sunny day that I'm now trying not to peel my sunburn (sorry if that's too much information....).  God gave us the money for our first plane ticket!!!! He's so faithful!  We're praying to have the money for the second ticket within the next few weeks, then we will continue to fund raise for the special things we're desiring to do with the children at Sunshine and with our Sasha.
(If you are a person with great fund raising ideas swirling through your head, PLEASE, by all means, leave a commment!)

I've missed you all, and I'm glad to be back.  Hope you enjoy peeking into our home and seeing and hearing about the good things the Lord's doing in our family.  I'm praying that your family is experiencing good days of crazy, busy, blessed moments and that God's grace is felt by you in every circumstance you are in.